Positive perfectionists - Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010

The team is making progress. I am proud of the way the team is competing. We are obviously not satisfied and have to continue to improve as we move along. We only have five dual meets left and then the Big 10 Tournament. There is time to improve. Commitment, discipline and your year long training plan really show this time of year. The Nittany Lions will be at there best in March.

We are having fun and working hard. Having fun is the key. Focusing on the positives is critical to success.

The study below provides great insight in how to get our youth started in sports if we want them to reach their great potential. There were many characteristics listed in the study but the one I want to talk about is “positive perfectionists.”

Here is the study:

“PSYCHOLOGICAL CHARACTERISTICS OF U.S. OLYMPIC CHAMPION”
By: Daniel Gould, Ph.D.; Kristen Dieffenbach, M.S. and Aaron Moffett, M.S.
University of North Carolina – Greensboro

One of the characteristics that really stands out to me is “positive perfectionists.” Here is the study’s description of “positive perfectionists:”

“Positive Perfectionists

Specifically, psychologists have distinguished two types of perfectionism, adaptive (what we call positive perfectionism) and maladaptive perfectionism. The distinction between the two is important because adaptive perfectionism is associated with achievement and success, while maladaptive perfectionism is related negatively to mental health. Adaptive perfectionists set high standards and like to be organized, but they are low on concern over mistakes, doubts about actions and concern over parental criticism (when young). Maladaptive perfectionists also hold high standards and like to be organized; however, they are also overly concerned with mistakes, have frequent doubts about actions and are preoccupied with parental criticism.

The Olympians we studied were positive perfectionists and demonstrated few maladaptive perfectionist tendencies. Consequently, they set high standards and were organized, but they were not overly concerned with mistakes or experienced frequent doubts about their abilities. When growing up, they did not worry about parental criticism.”

This study reinforces how important it is for young athletes to learn to love the sport and to learn to love competition before anything else. This love of sport and competition comes before technique and especially before any emphasis is placed on winning. That’s where this “positive perfectionist” mentality is born. The focus for young wrestlers should be about having fun. If parents focus on winning and losing with their young kids, they run the risk that their kids will develop a negative taste of competition that will be with them forever. They view competition as a chance to screw up instead of a chance to do something great. They feel pressure to win instead of just having fun and competing. They are more likely to become “maladaptive perfectionists.” It will be very difficult for a kid to blossom to anywhere near their full potential if they are afraid to make mistakes.

The other huge issue this pressure to win philosophy develops in our youth is it pushes them to make excuses when they don’t win. They act like they are hurt or blame anything but themselves. They view mistakes and not winning as such big deal that they don’t learn to accept responsibility. They develop this survival tactic early in their career to deal with the pressure they feel. And that mind set quickly becomes the athlete’s reality. They learn to believe down deep that it isn’t their fault. When a kid doesn’t accept responsibility they won’t make progress. It is always the coach’s fault, the referees fault, their stomach ache or their made up injury’s fault. This is very common. You see this a lot at all levels where a kid just doesn’t seem to make progress and when you dig deep to help them it because they won’t take responsibility so they can make progress.

I do not view mistakes as a negative. Mistakes are a positive. That doesn’t mean that we want to try and make mistakes. We want to take chances and attempt the techniques that will take us to the next level. If you aren’t making mistakes you probably aren’t trying hard enough. When you do make mistakes, no big deal, learn from them and make progress. Making mistakes is a sign of leaving your comfort zone. Without leaving your comfort zone your progress is limited.

One point to consider is that I don’t believe you teach a kid to love to win or teach a kid to love to compete. Winning and competing are a huge part of nature. We are born with an understanding of that and a desire to win. My point is that we don’t have to teach a kid to like to win. Everyone likes to win. We need to teach them how to be the best they can be and the winning will take care of itself. We need to nurture the love of competition and the winning will take care of itself. Obviously some are born with more talent. Some are born with a more competitive nature. But to help each wrestler get the most out of their career and ultimately to help them get the most out of our great sport, we need to help them build a solid foundation.

Parents that put a strong on emphasis on winning at an early age are really making it difficult for their kids to succeed in long term. By long term, I mean the high school, college and the Olympic level. If a wrestler sticks with the sport for the long term they will be prepared to face any challenge that life presents. Nothing in the world is more important to a young child then the opinion of their parents. It really screws a kid up when they are put into a situation where they feel a parent’s love, acceptance and opinion of them comes from whether they win or lose a wrestling match. I strongly believe the majority of “head cases” are a result of this kind of upbringing.

A “head case” is someone who struggles to perform at their best ability in the so called more important matches. The bigger the match, the worse they perform. Why? Because they don’t have a positive view of competition. Competition to them is a very negative experience. Their focus is on “not” making mistakes, not losing, and how others will feel about them if they lose. They are exhausted physically before the match starts because they have thought and thought about the implications of if they lose. They overanalyze every “what if” imaginable and they do it again and again. It doesn’t matter how hard they have trained because no physical training can make up for the mental exhaustion and physically fatigue that comes with that. Pressure becomes a bad thing.

Pressure is a good thing. It means that you have put yourself in a situation to do something good and to make progress. If you don’t have a history that would suggest you have a shot at success then there is no pressure. Unfortunately history tends to repeat itself. If you have a history that would suggest that you have a chance at success, then that is where the pressure comes from. The perceived pressure is to perform at the same level or above then you have in the past. That’s a good thing. It is all in how you look at it. Pressure is a compliment.

It all starts with a young athlete’s first experiences. It all depends on the parents. As a parent, if you push your kid to win at the earliest stages, your kid will probably have success early on. However it won’t last, not for the long term. When an athlete first gets into sports they are like a soft easily moldable mud but it doesn’t take long
before the mud hardens into clay and they are pretty much set for life. A coach can help but ultimately the clay is set by their parents.

Now there is a fine line here. This doesn’t mean you don’t expect a lot out of your kids. This doesn’t mean you don’t push them to work hard. You absolutely should do that. The difference is your focus with them needs to be on the effort based goal of doing their best and having fun. The focus should not be on winning and losing. Your mood should not change in rollercoaster type fashion if they lose. It’s fine, as long as they did their best. Everyone is born with the desire to win. Prepare them for long term success by focusing on effort and what the study above called “positive perfectionists.”

Latest Blog Entries:

- land like a cat - Thursday, August 19th, 2010
- Train your mind - Wednesday, August 4th, 2010
- Dustin Carter - Wednesday, July 28th, 2010
- Chess and Wrestling - Friday, July 9th, 2010
- Initiative - Wednesday, June 30th, 2010
- The “Do” and the “Be” Box - Saturday, June 26th, 2010
- Leading a Horse - Saturday, June 19th, 2010
- A good plan violently executed right now is worth a hundred perfect plans put off until next week. -General George S. Patton - Tuesday, June 8th, 2010
- Omaha Next Week - Friday, June 4th, 2010
- Thank You Troops! - Monday, May 31st, 2010