Ask Cael: Cael, I am a highschool wrestling coach and I had an athlete of mine give up at practice. I know he has potential which is why I harp on him however he lacks the mental toughness. How would you handle a situation where your athlete quits or won\’t fight in practice-you know it will carry over to competition or become a cancer to others within the program. Please answer, curious to know your stance.

Story Published Thursday, November 26th, 2009

name: Forest Gump

question: Cael, I am a highschool wrestling coach and I had an athlete of mine give up at practice. I know he has potential which is why I harp on him however he lacks the mental toughness. How would you handle a situation where your athlete quits or won\’t fight in practice-you know it will carry over to competition or become a cancer to others within the program. Please answer, curious to know your stance.

As you said, if a kid gives up in practice, they will most certainly give up in competition. As coaches, we know that there are seldom surprises in competition, whether good or bad. Through training and pushing our student-athletes through challenges we should know how every kid is going to act in about every situation in competition. You know that your athlete quits and you know he will quit in competition. If we have a kid blatantly quit in practice we send them home. If they quit in competition I wouldn’t put them out on the mat again until I felt like they were going to fight. In my mind, quitting is unacceptable.

Each individual has their own unique circumstances and if the kid knows that you care about him/her and want to help them, you should be able to make progress. I do think that you have to be very strict in letting them know that quitting is unacceptable. I would much rather have a kid wrestle that fights, even if he gets pounded, then throw someone out on the mat that will give up in critical moments. Quitting is contagious.

My experience with kids that quit is that they are usually the kids that feel a lot of pressure from home. There is no greater pressure that a kid can feel then the pressure that if he loses his parents, the most important people in the world to him, will be disappointed in him if he loses. This is such a common issue in sports. The problem with that type of pressure is that it is too much for kids to handle. When times get tough and they need to fight to score a point to win, they crumble and quit. When I say “kids” I mean high school, Jr. High and college age. So with kids like this I try to help them realize that they actually do love wrestling themselves. Really what is more fun then wrestling? Not much. Also, I try to help them realize that they actually do love to compete. I try to convey that the higher the stakes the more fun it should be to compete. Kids who are raised to focus on the wins and losses have a very difficult time thinking that way. Most of those kids quit early. That’s the challenge, to help them overcome the mentality that they were raised on. It is very, very difficult to do. Getting those kids to focus on effort instead of the end result is very difficult. Kids that were raised feeling a lot of pressure to win are the first to make excuses and blame something else for their losses as well. That is another challenge in itself because you can’t make progress if you don’t accept responsibility.

Coach, if the kid sincerely wants to find a way to improve and overcome their issue of “quitting” then I would work side by side with them. If the kid doesn’t want to work through the issue then I wouldn’t waste the time on them. You could be spending that time with someone that wants to be there and wants help. I believe in tough love. Sometimes, kicking a kid off the team is the best thing for them. If they really want to play and wrestle again, they will do whatever is necessary to make that happen. They will realize that they do want to wrestle and it should help them in the long run. If they are looking for an excuse to quit, well you give them that excuse by getting rid of them. It really depends on the individual and his/her circumstances.

If a kid is mentally weak, I believe they are most likely focusing on the wrong the thing. If they are focusing on how difficult something is then it will only become more difficult. I have written a few blogs on focus that you can check out. But, if that is the case then it sounds like the athlete needs help with his focus plan. Unfortunately nothing is easy and focus is a difficult thing to help kids with. But, with the right attitude it is possible. Being able to keep things simple and focus is a talent just like speed or flexibility. A kid’s focus is also a result of how they are raised. If they are raised to focus on winning, instead of the process, that is a challenge to overcome. Focus can be enhanced and improved with hard work and discipline.

Now, if a kid is a cancer I wouldn’t risk the team on that kid. As a coach, I think we are responsible for the kids on our team and if we know that someone on our team could lead the others down the wrong path then that can’t be tolerated. It all comes back to the circumstances of the team and individual that you are helping. If you are helping a kid get back on the right track and you know that the other kids on the team aren’t going to follow the kid’s example then that is different decision. But again, it depends on the individual and their attitude. If they are trying to do better, then I would work with them. If not, I wouldn’t play games with them. If a kid thinks he is bigger then the team and above the team rules, that is a real problem and needs to be squashed immediately. There have to consistent and unemotional consequences for wrong decisions and actions. Everyone has to be held to the same standard.

Coaching is a difficult job-haha. But, that’s my two cents.
Good luck.

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